A long week

Its Saturday, 1:21pm. I'm in the same place I am every Saturday. Work. I'm done in 4 hours and 39 minutes. This week will be done. Over. Finito.

I thought last week was a long week. I planned a two day event for last Friday and Saturday and I really thought the days leading up to it would be long. Surprisingly, this week was longer. I don't know if its the "letdown effect" after such a busy, intense week or what. I was depressed this week. I couldn't shake my frustration, my bitter mood. I would wake up crabby, spend my day fuming, go to bed and lie awake angry.

But why? Its weird that when I'm angry or upset, I am mad at myself for being angry and upset. Why am I complaining about my job? At least I have one in these times. Its not a bad job either. My "office" overlooks a golf course, I am surrounded by beautiful flowers, I get free lunches, a clothing allowance, and I do work with some great people. So with all these blessings why the depression and frustration?

Its for the same reason that we get upset, marriages break up, people fall apart. Money. Here at my job, I am considered a department head, ok, co-department head. I oversee 3 areas and just finished planning a fundraiser that is outside my job description. I raised over $20,000 for this group. A for-profit, non charity. Yet, I (and my co) make the least of any of us. By over $10,000. By over $70,000 than my boss. I shouldn't know that, but I do. And it upsets me every day.

It upsets me because I feel that I am a team player. Maybe this blog makes me a non-team player. I have worked long hours, helped out in other areas (I served tables one day! I am waaay to klutzy to be a server). I worked months where others were off. Granted, I don't make the big time decisions. I buy clothes, sell memberships and do my best to make our members happy.

But I am so sick of living paycheck to paycheck. I have no savings, no backup fund. If I take a trip I either save all year for it, or have people give me money for Christmas and my birthday. If my grandfather passes away (he's in excellent health, but he's 94) I have no money to get home. I have a credit card, but I have to go into debt to go home. New shoes are a luxury to me. A new book is, some months, a luxury.

I'm not asking for much. I don't need a boat or an SUV. I don't want to buy designer clothing. I don't need a flat screen TV or a new laptop. I just want to live without worry. I want to be able to give my friend Katie a nice wedding present in August. I want to start a house fund for Josh and I.

Granted, I have credit card debt that is my own fault. I have a car loan and student loans to pay off. These are not the responsibility of my employer. But, dang it, when is it my turn to have a few nice things? When do I get paid for what I bring to my place of employment. I keep telling myself that I am young and I have time. But I am impatient.

If you value what I do, and by extension, value me...could you put a higher monetary value on it?